you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
