last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
