I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
