I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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