well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
did i walk over a car last night?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
