peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Small penises have feelings too.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
