So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
