Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
