Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
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