Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
