I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I need to stop coming to work sober
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
