Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
