Michael Bay diarrhea
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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