Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
