I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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