there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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