Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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