so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
