I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
