Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
