and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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