I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
