no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
