my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
