Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
