yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
