It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
he fucked my hip out of place.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
