I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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