did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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