my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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