I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
