Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
