I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
