I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
