dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I think I have vodka in my lungs
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
