I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
