I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
