Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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