I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
