watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
