I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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