Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
