So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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