The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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