Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
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