Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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