He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
