Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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