She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
i now understand why vodka
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
