I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
