haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
