I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
