I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
