help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
