I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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