you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
